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Is your refrigerator running? Well you better catch it before it gets away! What do you add in oil to make it boil? The letter B! Did you hear about the fight at the fish shop last night? Two fish got battered! The maker doesn't want it. The buyer doesn't use it. The user doesn't see it. What is it? A coffin What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a dog? A very nervous mailman! Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? Mt. Everest, it just hadn't been discovered.  What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, poor people have it, rich people need it, and if you eat it you will die? What's a carnivore's favourite game? Swallow the Leader. What turns everything around but does not move? A Mirror. What makes a chess player happy? Taking a Knight off. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts? He got tired of the whole business! What is the easiest thing to part with? A comb. Why did the chicken want to join the band? It had it's own pair of drumsticks. What is as big as an elephant but doesn't weigh anything? An elephant's shadow. How many times can you subract 5 from 25? Once, then you're subtracting it from 20! Why can't a man living in Australia be buried in America? He's still living! If you have only one match and you enter a room and find an oil burner, a kerosene lamp and a wood burning stove, which would you light first? THE MATCH! What did one eye say to the other eye? There's something between you and me that really smells. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? It's time to go to sweep, dear. What kind of flower does everyone have? Too-lips. Why did Joe keep his trumpet in the fridge? BECAUSE HE LIKED COOL MUSIC If a rooster lays an egg on top of a pointed roof which side does it roll down on? ROOSTERS DON'T LAY EGGS ! Where's the best place to see a man eating fish? A seafood restaurant. What time is it when you have two puppies and a barrel of balls? It's play time. Teacher: Why are you standing on that chair in music? So I can reach the high notes ! What did the polite mouse say? Cheese and thank you. What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry? If you weren't so sweet we wouldn't be in this jam. I have an eye, but I cannot see. Who am I? A NEEDLE. How do you make anti-freeze? Put ice cubes in her bed. One woman had four husbands in her lifetime. The first was a millionare, the second one was a magician, the third was a preacher, and the fourth was an undertaker. Why did she marry them all? ONE FOR THE MONEY, TWO FOR THE SHOW, THREE TO GET READY, AND FOUR TO GO. If two's company, and three's a crowd, then what's four and five? NINE. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Just in case they get a hole in one. How do you know if carrots are good for your eyes? Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? What has eyes but no nose, a tongue but no teeth and is a foot long? A BOOT. What part of a ship is made out of cards? THE DECK Why was Cinderella a bad hockey player? BECAUSE SHE HAD A PUMPKIN FOR A COACH. Why did the boy eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake. What goes up but never comes down? YOUR AGE. How do you know peanuts are fattening? Have you ever seen a skinny elephant. What did baby corn say to his Mom? WHERE IS POP-CORN. Why did the orange stop? IT RAN OUT OF JUICE. |
