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JOKES & RIDDLES



Is your refrigerator running?
(Thanks to Paul, Hamburg, New York)




What is light purple and white and read all over?
(Thanks to Dan, Springfield, CI)




Did you hear about the fight at the fish shop last night?
(Thanks to Samantha, N. Ireland, Larne)


What do you add in oil to make it boil?
(Thanks to Kesprie, Philippines)


What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a dog?
(Thanks to Nicholas, Victoria, Melbourne)




The maker doesn't want it.
The buyer doesn't use it.
The user doesn't see it.
What is it?

(Thanks to Patrick, Philippines)




Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
(Thanks to Alexis, Philippines)




What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
poor people have it,
rich people need it,
and if you eat it you will die?

(Thanks to Alexa, Rochester, NY)




What's a carnivore's favourite game?
(Thanks to Brittany, Adelaide, SA)




What turns everything around but does not move?
(Thanks to Carol)




What makes a chess player happy?
(Thanks to Samar, Sharjah, U.A.E.)




Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
(Thanks to Samar, Sharjah, U.A.E.)




What is the easiest thing to part with?
(Thanks to Samar, Sharjah, U.A.E.)




Why did the chicken want to join the band?
(Thanks to Taylor)




What is as big as an elephant but doesn't weigh anything?
(Thanks to Vicki, Toronto)




How many times can you subract 5 from 25?
(Thanks to Paola, Philippines)




Why can't a man living in Australia be buried in America?
(Thanks to Anna, Philippines)




If you have only one match and you entered a room and found an oil burner, a kerosene lamp and a wood burning stove, which would you light first?
(Thanks to Caesar, Philippines)


What did one eye say to the other eye?



Which country receives rainfall everytime?
(Thanks to Pratheek, Dubai, U.A.E.)




What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
(Thanks to Raymond, Portland, Oregon USA)




What kind of flower does everyone have?
(Thanks to Katie, East Lyme, CT)




Why did Joe keep his trumpet in the fridge?
(Thanks to LPpicksme, Singapore)




If a rooster lays an egg on top of a pointed roof wich side does it roll down on?



Where's the best place to see a man eating fish?
(Thanks to Shawn W., CA)




What does an "R" and a bird make together?
(Thanks to Raymond, Portland, Oregon USA)




What time is it when you have two puppies and a barrel of balls?
(Thanks to Raymond, Portland, Oregon USA)




Teacher: Why are you standing on that chair in music?
(Thanks to Georgina, Cheshire)




What did the polite mouse say?
(Thanks to Ava, NYC)


What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry?
(Thanks to Shawnee, Nevada)




I have an eye, but I cannot see. Who am I?
(Thanks to Gayathi, Sharjah, U.A.E)




How do you make anti-freeze?
(Thanks to Katie, Calgary)




What did the ice cream say to the chocolate?
(Thanks to Mithila, Mississauga, Ont.)




Which is the rope you never skip with?
(Thanks to Namratha, Abu Dhabi,UAE)




Which country gets ill every time?
(Thanks to Pooja, U.A.E.)



Why was the baseball player told to go on the camping trip?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


One woman had four husbands in her lifetime. The first was a millionare, the second one was a magician, the third was a preacher, and the fourth was an undertaker. Why did she marry them all?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


If two's company, and three's a crowd, then whats four and five?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


What was the Pirate movie rated?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)

How do you know if carrots are good for your eyes?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


What do you call a potato that grows on a couch?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


What has 4 Legs and makes a crunch sound?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)



How do ghosts like their chickens fried?
(Thanks to Kiran, Rak,UAE)





What did the cake say to the ice cream?
(Thanks to Daniel, Fl)


What has eyes but no nose, a tongue but no teeth and is a foot long?
(Thanks to Freeha, Al-Ain)






Why did the dog sit in the shade?
(Thanks to Jacob Henry)


How do you make an egg laugh?
(Thanks to Spencer, TX)


Where do cows live?
(Thanks to Tiffany, New York)



What part of a ship is made out of cards?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)


Why was Cinderella a bad hockey player?
(Thanks to Cory, Nevada)



Two brothers were watching a horror film on video late one night. One brother dozed off and dreamed that he was being chased by the crazy man from the movie, who was trying to kill him. In the dream, he hid in a cupboard. There was no sound except his heart pounding, and he had no idea where his crazed captor was. He was terrified! At that moment, the video finished, and his brother put his hand on the shoulder of his sleeping sibling to wake him. The shock at that tense moment was enough that the sleeping brother suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly. True or false?
(Thanks to Hypershorty90, New York)


A man runs from home, runs a while, takes a left, runs the same distance, takes a left, runs the same distance, and takes a left. When he arrives home, there are two masked men.
Who are they?

(Thanks to Hypershorty90, New York)



Why did the boy eat his homework?
(Thanks to Kendra, Fall River, MA)



What did the big telephone say to the little telephone?
(Thanks to Amanda, England)


What goes up but never comes down?
(Thanks to Amanda, England)


Have you heard the story about the wall?
(Thanks to Amanda, England)



When is a piece of wood like a king or a queen?
(Thanks to Guilevaldo, Storm Lake, Iowa)



I start with T.
I end with T and I am full of tea.
Who am I?

(Thanks to Tinoy and Tintu, Abu Dhabi, U.A.E.)


If you cut me, I won't cry, but you will cry. Who am I?
(Thanks to Tinoy, Abu Dhabi, U.A.E.)


Why wasn't the man hurt when he fell into a pool of lemonade?
(Thanks to Tinoy, Abu Dhabi, U.A.E.)


What is at the middle of the sea?
(Thanks to Tinoy, Abu Dhabi, U.A.E.)



Did you hear the joke about the butter?
(Thanks to Limbiania)



How do you know peanuts are fattening?
(Thanks to Chanley, Lovington)



What is the difference between here and there?
(Thanks to Kiran, U.A.E.)




A man was checking his e-mail.   The room in which he sat had no fans or air-conditioners.   He started sweating.
What will he do to stop sweating (get cold)?

(Thanks to rosh1991)




What did the teacher say to the spotted Lion?
(Thanks to Cady, Virginia)




Why did the old lady call the fire department?
(Thanks to Ashley, Tinley Park IL)




How do you widen out the strait & narrow path?
(Thanks to George, Riverside, CA)




What did baby corn say to his Mom?
(Thanks to Pallavi, Panchkula)



What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
(Thanks to Ravi)


Why did the orange stop?
(Thanks to Ravi)




What gets wetter the more it dries?
A teatowel.

What does a bird need when it's sick?
A TWEET-ment!

What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
Winnie the Pee-u!

What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing at all?
An elephant's shadow!
(Thanks to Alexa, Northwest Territories)


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